Heaven Never Runs

I am gray because,

The heavens seem so vague,

So far away,

As if they have closed and turned away,

As if they are disappointed in my ways,

And I feel abandoned in the wilderness,

Lost in a sea that swallows up my best,

Laughs at my frantic pace,

Forsaking me to face,

what may become of me,

In this empty place.

What on the other side of those heavy drapes,

Is occurring so much more vitally,

 Than my dredging,

More pressing than my dreams,

Weightier, for their measure,

Than what just happened to me,

Careless for my loss,

How could they stop,

Their watching over me,

Caring for me,

Why have they stopped listening,

even ignoring my prayers,

Offered up,

In my best belief,

With such faith?

Why do they take my friends,

My loved ones,

Beyond the swaths of clouded gray,

Leaving me here to beg,

For understanding,

Until I am prostrate,

Face down upon truths that I create,

Each time they turn,

Their perfectly triune faces away,

And then it opens,

One golden seam at a time,

Glorious rays of warming light,

Like swords,

Cutting away at the words,

That I use to define my reasons,

For this melancholy,

Sabers that dissect the defeat,

Knives that whittle away at my qualms,

Slicing deep into the fears,

That place uneasy chills,

 In my bones.

In time, I wake,

And I find those heavens,

Those ancient bodies,

Of starry lights,

Filled with magic,

Full of life,

Were never closed at all,

But grieving my lost resolve,

Lamenting my succumbing hold,

To the promises of then,

The gifts imparted to,

The stillness of my heart,

Peace ever-present,

Love, unyielding,

Unending,

Eternal blessing.

And I praise.